My Permanent Playlist

An Ode to the 90s ~

I can't remember a time when I didn't think so intensely about the world around me. My Mom reminds me that before I was old enough to recall or old enough to be capable of doing so, I would throw fits of rage if I colored outside the lines that brought Kermit the Frog or Rainbow Brite to life in my coloring books. I remember spending hours combing Rocker and Western Fun Barbies' hair and wondering why my Mom couldn't make my ponytail perfect, too!

When I was 6 or 7, my brother sliced his foot open on a bull horn behind our farm. I attempted to be calm as I left him holding his bleeding foot, but as I pedaled my bike as fast as Strawbery Shortcake would take me to get help from Grandma, I think I had my first experience with the severe anxiety that OCD can harvest. I envisioned conclusions to that incident that were completely unrealistic (thankfully, he didn't even need stitches), but I couldn't get the thoughts to leave my head until I knew he was okay.

As I blossomed into the awkward stage that is junior high, my teachers, family and friends called me a perfectionist, and I proudly accepted the compliment and still do. I had the most systematic Trapper Keeper in school, color-coded by class subject and highlighted by my Nelson Twins folder (remember their song"(Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection"-it's okay to admit you're singing it out loud to yourself right now, because it was a great song). Shopping for school supplies, for me, was like winning the lottery. I couldn't wait to fill my backpack with the tools that would organize my education. 

While I reached this floundering age of double digits, I began to become acutely aware that this wasn't how everyone else walked the world. Discovering my disorder upon entering the 90s made it a decade that I will forever and permanently identify as my decade of discovery.

So, as an Ode to the decade of the 90s; an Ode to my favorite 90s show My So-Called Life for which my blog title was inspired (Angela Chase - played by Claire Danes - thank you for making quirky cool!); and an Ode to the music of the 90s, because the power of music was unveiled to me in this decade as a space to recharge and evolve, I am sharing with you 25 songs from my 90s Playlist. I encourage my fellow OCDites to be inspired by this post - ponder the first memories you had of your disorder, and create your own playlists for those times when you need a moment.


Music brings my mind quiet moments. Just looking at this old
pic of a dear friend and me at a music festival produces pure zen.


The songs that brought me solace and serenity then and now (in alphabetical order, of course):

1. Afghan Whigs "Crazy"
2. Better Than Ezra "Good"
3. Big Head Todd and the Monsters "Bittersweet"
4. Blind Melon "No Rain"
5. Bush "Glycerine"
6. Collective Soul "The World I Know"
7. Concrete Blonde "Joey"
8. The Cranberries "Linger"
9. The Crash Test Dummies "God Shuffled His Feet"
10. Depeche Mode "Enjoy the Silence"
11. Enigma "Sadeness (Part I)"
12. Green Day "When I Come Around"
13. Mazzy Star "Fade Into You"
14. Morphine "Buena"
15. Nine Inch Nails "Closer"
16. The Primitive Radio Gods "Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth With Money in My Hand"
17. Radiohead "Creep"
18. The Smashing Pumpkins "Mayonaise"
19. Spacehog "In the Meantime"
20. Temple of the Dog "Hunger Strike"
21. Toad the Wet Sprocket "Crazy Life"
22. The Toadies "Possum Kingdom"
23. Tori Amos "Cornflake Girl"
24. Veruca Salt "Shutterbug"
25. Weezer "The Good Life"