I can't remember a time when I didn't think so intensely about the world around me. My Mom reminds me that before I was old enough to recall or old enough to be capable of doing so, I would throw fits of rage if I colored outside the lines that brought Kermit the Frog or Rainbow Brite to life in my coloring books. I remember spending hours combing Rocker and Western Fun Barbies' hair and wondering why my Mom couldn't make my ponytail perfect, too!
When I was 6 or 7, my brother sliced his foot open on a bull horn behind our farm. I attempted to be calm as I left him holding his bleeding foot, but as I pedaled my bike as fast as Strawbery Shortcake would take me to get help from Grandma, I think I had my first experience with the severe anxiety that OCD can harvest. I envisioned conclusions to that incident that were completely unrealistic (thankfully, he didn't even need stitches), but I couldn't get the thoughts to leave my head until I knew he was okay.
As I blossomed into the awkward stage that is junior high, my teachers, family and friends called me a perfectionist, and I proudly accepted the compliment and still do. I had the most systematic Trapper Keeper in school, color-coded by class subject and highlighted by my Nelson Twins folder (remember their song"(Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection"-it's okay to admit you're singing it out loud to yourself right now, because it was a great song). Shopping for school supplies, for me, was like winning the lottery. I couldn't wait to fill my backpack with the tools that would organize my education.
While I reached this floundering age of double digits, I began to become acutely aware that this wasn't how everyone else walked the world. Discovering my disorder upon entering the 90s made it a decade that I will forever and permanently identify as my decade of discovery.
So, as an Ode to the decade of the 90s; an Ode to my favorite 90s show My So-Called Life for which my blog title was inspired (Angela Chase - played by Claire Danes - thank you for making quirky cool!); and an Ode to the music of the 90s, because the power of music was unveiled to me in this decade as a space to recharge and evolve, I am sharing with you 25 songs from my 90s Playlist. I encourage my fellow OCDites to be inspired by this post - ponder the first memories you had of your disorder, and create your own playlists for those times when you need a moment.
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| Music brings my mind quiet moments. Just looking at this old pic of a dear friend and me at a music festival produces pure zen. |
The songs that brought me solace and serenity then and now (in alphabetical order, of course):
- Afghan Whigs "Crazy"
- Better Than Ezra "Good"
- Big Head Todd and the Monsters "Bittersweet"
- Blind Melon "No Rain"
- Bush "Glycerine"
- Collective Soul "The World I Know"
- Concrete Blonde "Joey"
- The Cranberries "Linger"
- The Crash Test Dummies "God Shuffled His Feet"
- Depeche Mode "Enjoy the Silence"
- Enigma "Sadeness (Part I)"
- Green Day "When I Come Around"
- Mazzy Star "Fade Into You"
- Morphine "Buena"
- Nine Inch Nails "Closer"
- The Primitive Radio Gods "Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth With Money in My Hand"
- Radiohead "Creep"
- The Smashing Pumpkins "Mayonaise"
- Spacehog "In the Meantime"
- Temple of the Dog "Hunger Strike"
- Toad the Wet Sprocket "Crazy Life"
- The Toadies "Possum Kingdom"
- Tori Amos "Cornflake Girl"
- Veruca Salt "Shutterbug"
- Weezer "The Good Life"
